Manuscript optometry

Like an optometrist changing lenses and endlessly asking “better or worse?” I’m trying new word combinations and asking myself, “better or worse?”

Here’s one example:

Before:

Like I was unfolding a pile of laundry, I answered her questions about where I was in life, why I was there, how my work was, how I dealt with stress and my beliefs. I no longer had anything to lose, so I was as honest as I could be and, for her part, she was comforting and nonjudgmental.

After:

Like I was unfolding a pile of laundry, I answered her questions about my crossroads in life, my intentions, my work, my coping mechanisms and my beliefs. I no longer had anything to lose, so I was as honest as I would have been in the raw pages of a diary and, for her part, she was comforting and nonjudgmental.

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2 thoughts on “Manuscript optometry

  1. I do the same, and I love your comparison to going to an optician. If I might offer an opinion, I prefer the first formulation. It is simpler, and flows as if you were unfolding laundry, the sentence structure mimicking the metaphor. The second paragraph seems a little overthought. Sometimes simple is better. But that’s just me, feel free to tell me I’m wrong!

    Emma http://ideasofawanderingmind.wordpress.com/

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