Let’s have a little fun. My heart is feeling light because I’ve been blogging here for 30 days–30! it’s a record for me here–and I have only one day left in my blogging bonanza in honor of my new book, Truth, Dare, Double Dare, Promise or Repeat, the story of the year I turned 15 and learned to French kiss.
A couple of years ago when I finished the first draft of the manuscript, I celebrated with a look at my Dashboard (exciting life a writer leads, no?). That post was based on a gem from author Shannon A. Thompson (“You need the world, and the world needs good people”), and I blatantly copied her (“imitation is the sincerest form of flattery”). Here’s to reducis (or whatever the plural form of redux is).
If you have a blog, you know how the Dashboard page works. It conveniently sums up your brilliance in the form of statistics (only three people read that post? It was brilliant! Are they mad?! Or is the rest of the world?!). It tells you how many views you received today, yesterday and for all eternity, and even explains what viewers have Googled in order to find your website.
So I am sharing the creepiest, weirdest and most brilliant topics people have Googled to find my website, and I’m responding to them.
Top searches that have brought people to this blog are, not surprisingly, ones with some version of the title of my first memoir: “the percussionist’s wife,” “the percussionist wife,” “the percussionists wife” and a half-dozen other grammatically incorrect versions (this is a world where LOL passes for laughter, after all).
Others have been led here with some version of “monica lee,” “monica lee author,” “monica lee writer,” “mindful monica” and, weirdly, “mind full of monica” (which is better, I guess, than a mind full of termites). After that, it gets interesting.
UP NEAR THE TOP:
“kiss dialogue” and “french kiss dialogue” and “kiss dailouge” (what?). Interestingly, this one comes up because of a snippet I shared that made it into Truth, Dare.
“monica lee on the voice” or some version of that: I’m not that Monica Leigh.
CLOSE, BUT NO CIGAR:
“monica wife ohio”: I lived in Ohio once. That was enough.
“crass humor”: Oh, really?
“monica lee public sex”: I’m on hiatus.
“wives for sale online”: If you have to ask, I’m too expensive.
“sexo com monika lee”: What is this sexo and does it involve commodities from an adult bookstore?
“real wife blog”: That’s what I should have called this blog!
“divorce so the other can live happily”: Definitely.
“wife wrote a book about him”: Yup. Consider yourself warned.
I SHOULD MAKE A LIST:
“the percussionist’s wife own missteps”
“wrot li porn”: I’d know it when I see it.
“piko dinozaver knjiga v e obliki”: Are you talking dirty to me?
“don’t comment here tence”: Good advice. I think.
“how to make salad with passive voice”: Chop into little pieces?
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Thank you, Google. I think. Back when I was in newspapers, I cringed whenever a letter to the editor was directed at a story I wrote. But I learned to say: At least they’re reading me.
* * *
Truth, Dare, Double Dare, Promise or Repeat: On Finding the Meaning of “Like” in 1982 is now available on Amazon, and I have been blogging here every day until the end of this month about my book, about memoirs in general and about the launch. Have I piqued your interest?
The paperback is $11.95 and available here.
The Kindle edition is $3.95. If you’re a member of KindleUnlimited or Amazon Prime, it’s FREE! Click here.